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| Their badly photoshopped faces will haunt my dreams. |
What's different
I was immediately shocked that Margaret Dashwood exists, which I know is not different from the book, but it is different from every other modernized adaptation I've seen so far. However, giving Margaret a "type of leukemia" that is treatable with very expensive medicine seems unnecessary. I guess the writers thought one illness was enough, though, because Marianne never gets sick or injured.
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| "She has vague cancer but it's fine, don't question it." |
As in some other modernizations, Marianne and Willoughby are already dating at the beginning of the movie. Weirdly, the dark secret in his past is exactly the same: he knocked up a girl, and if his family finds out, it would be a "disaster." It's never said what happened to this girl, where she is now, or whether she kept the baby. But somewhere out there is a girl who was at one time pregnant, and that is bad news for John Willoughby!
Another difference is that Daddy Dashwood doesn't die, but he is as good as dead since he goes to federal prison and none of the family ever visits him or speaks to him. They barely mention him even among themselves. His arrest casts a different light on the Dashwood family's hardships. Who their father is becomes a detriment, and his reputation prevents Elinor and Marianne from finding respectable jobs, even though in Elinor's case she has years of high-level work experience.
And of course, there's the magical healing lotion that Marianne makes. How does a scented lotion made of raspberries and roses make your pain go away? No one knows! I'm sure the FDA will be very interested, though, when this goes to market.
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| WTF is in that lotion? |
What I liked
Well... uh... I guess... some of the scenes with Marianne and Elinor are not quite as wooden as the rest. When the actresses are alone together on screen, they do have some chemistry.
There are also a couple of unintentionally golden moments, like when John is watching Will it Blend? on YouTube, or this hilariously awful photoshop of Mr. Dashwood in prison:
There are also a couple of unintentionally golden moments, like when John is watching Will it Blend? on YouTube, or this hilariously awful photoshop of Mr. Dashwood in prison:
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| No sympathy for Daddy Dashwood! |
What I disliked
There are so many things I disliked, how can I choose just a few! I'll get the big and the basic out of the way up front: bad writing, bad directing, and bad acting. With a triple whammy like that, it was doomed from the start.
My biggest overall complaint is how confusing and nonsensical the story was at some points. For example, the relationship between John, Fran, and the unnamed pregnant girl. Towards the end, when Fran is desperate to figure out the lotion formula so she can sell it to a cosmetics company, she calls John and starts blackmailing him to get the formula from Marianne. How does Fran know John? How does she know the one dark secret from his past?? This is never explained, and it's driving me crazy!
Also confusing is the sisters' living situation. After Daddy Dashwood goes to prison, Mrs. Dashwood and Margaret move in with a relative (and we never see Mrs. D again). I don't remember any mention of Elinor and Marianne moving, and there are no scenes related to finding somewhere to live or moving into smaller digs. About halfway through the movie, I finally realized they must have moved at some point just because the exterior shots looked different than their original house. It didn't help that their new, presumably cheap apartment looks super nice. There is a ton of space, everything is new and clean, and it's clearly on a nice street in a good part of town.
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| A nice street where you can always find a parking spot right by your front door. |
In general, Elinor and Marianne seem to suffer much, much less in this adaptation than in others. Even though they apparently lose "everything" when their father is convicted of fraud, it seems like they would financially be fine if it weren't for Margaret's expensive medicine. The girls have a nice apartment, and they're able to buy a car (granted, it's a clunker) and pay rent without any apparent issue. They just don't struggle, which feels very off since this is clearly supposed to be another riches-to-rags story. Even Margaret being sick doesn't convey any sense of urgency or pressure. Her particular brand of leukemia allows her to lead a completely normal life, by the look of it, and in the ten minutes of screen time she gets, she seems totally fine. Hey, maybe they should give her some of the healing lotion!
I don't have the time or the willpower to delve into the million little things I hated about this movie — like how Willoughby is shown playing video games as a shorthand for being immature; or how Marianne complains that Brandon is too serious when John couldn't tell a joke if his life depended on it; or the "where are they now" blurbs right before the credits roll, revealing that Margaret moved to Colorado for some reason and is raising therapy horses; or the truly awful costumes.
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| Oh 2011, you were so cruel to us. |
Adaptation wish list
- Is it funny? — No.
- Is it bitchy? — No.
- Is Brandon less pathetic? — Yes, because he has no personality.
- Is Marianne more believable? — Yes, because she has no personality.
This is a bland, boring story with no emotion, very little conflict, and proportionally little payoff. The fact that the characters are named after Sense and Sensibility characters seems like pure coincidence because this movie bears no resemblance to the book. I'm rating this one even lower than Material Girls because at least that movie was memorable.
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